Ours is a quaint little settlement in the Red Desert. Wamsutter is the nearest big city, a good day’s ride horseback away. On a bad day, you just can’t get there. We don’t have any passable roads, but we are free.
Opinion
We named our enclave after that other Lexington in an eastern state that has since turned Marxist. Those other Lexingtonians fought to be free of one oppressive government, but then turned around and submitted to another one. Here in New Lexington, we avoid government like a screw worm epidemic because we are free.
Of all the unalienable rights, we cherish liberty above life and the pursuit of happiness. That’s why people sometimes die here, and folks are grumpy. But we’re willing to put up with all of that so that nobody can tax us or tell us what to do
The surviving kids in New Lexington are taught at home by Mom and Dad, not in some godless, Bolshevik government school. They are homeschooled in important life skills like how to make homespun clothes, to shoe horses and to make fire by rubbing sticks together. That’s all the education they need to join us in the Ivermectin mine.
Lots of other places are worried about voter fraud and are turning to government for help. Here in New Lexington, we don’t have that problem because we don’t have elections. Elections just lead to more government and, like I said, screw worms.
No government means no taxes, and we consider taxes to be a cussword. It is an East Coast, deep-state lie that taxes are necessary for survival. Here in New Lexington, we don’t pay ‘em and we get along just fine. Our motto is “Taxation is Theft.”
We don’t pay paper-shufflin’ parasitic bureaucrats in a fancy courthouse to protect our property rights by recording meaningless deeds and titles. Who needs that nonsense when we have guns and the Ten Commandments? That’s why we don’t have police or a sheriff either. Think about it!
If someone wants to violate the Ten Commandments and steal somebody else’s house, they’ll have to contend with an armed homeowner who has other ideas. What if the thief has a bigger gun and can pull off the heist? Well, that’s just a natural law and we respect the laws of nature. Natural laws don’t lead to taxes.
Planning and zoning Trotskyites? Maoist property taxers? Screw ‘em! We live in New Lexington, and we build our houses where we goddam well please. Because … guns.
Since we don’t tax ourselves or issue bonds for infrastructure, we pitch in and do the work ourselves. Take our water system, for instance. We all got together and dug a community well in a dry playa. When we finally hit water, it tasted of alkali, so we distill it with cheatgrass and antelope turds and make New Lexington whiskey. You can hardly taste the alkali, and it doubles as a natural laxative. We sell it to the tourists in Wamsutter for a little bit of hard currency, tax-free, of course.
Chemtrails are no problem here, since we didn’t tax ourselves to build an airport. We don’t want to reach into our own pockets to make it easy for globalist elites to spray us with toxic goo that makes people gay. Call us backward if you want, but we are free.
Healthcare? We don’t have to shell out good money for an expensive hospital in New Lexington. If someone comes down with Smallpox, Ebola, COVID or other cooties, we treat ‘em at home with sheep dip elixir, gutpile poultices or whiskey. We don’t want to subsidize snowflake doctors’ condos with our hard-earned tax dollars.
Weaker folks in other parts of the country tend to overestimate the costs of the blessings of liberty. But our ancestors didn’t fight and die face down in the mud so that we would have to tax ourselves to pay for the things we want.
Maybe over-educated university eggheads in the big city want to call life in New Lexington, Wyoming solitary, nasty, brutish and short. If so, let ‘em. At least we are free.
I am forever mixing up the I-80 utopias of New Lexington and Sleepy Hollow Wyoming. I know that one of them is quite near our beautiful state penitentiary and the other one has the bougie solar heated pickleball courts. I for the life of me cannot ever seem to remember which one is which…
https://cowboystatedaily.com/2025/12/06/sleepy-hollow-near-laramie-named-wyomings-wealthiest-town-but-it-doesnt-exist/
They lost me at Marxist. Anyone who uses that term shows their ignorance right out of the gate.
Your satire pencil is as sharp as ever, Rod. “Ivermectin mines” and “sheep dip elixer” are priceless examples. Speaking of sheep dip: If you’ve ever tried to kill a tick, you know it’s difficult to say the least. About the only thing that really works is fire. Since roasting their sheep before they went to market would not be practical, most of the big outfits we sheared for back in the early 70’s would dip them immediately after the shearing, by running them through a concrete vat. It was deep enough they had to almost swim with only their heads above the dark brown liquid that looked like manure tea. It wasn’t though, for the nearby cement sized paper sacks of powder they mixed with water, were labeled: “poison – nicotine sulfate”. I decided right then, if nicotine would kill ticks on critters who simply swam through it, it probably was going to render the same death from the inside out, for those “real cowboys” who were mixing it up while smoking or chewing it.
I’m confused; didn’t Biden cancel all the Ivermectin mine leases? I thought that was buried in the fine print of the recent BLM plan and caused all that trouble.
I wish it were over-the-top rather than accurate.
Didn’t RFK Jr. already recommend that as a treatment? Either for asthma, whooping cough, or genital herpes. I can’t remember which exactly.
Yep, RFK has some issues. But once again, Americans on both sides will ignore common sense in favor of political bias. The USA puts THOUSANDS of medications and food ingredients out for public consumption that are never and will never be approved in Canada or Europe or are even banned in many cases. It’s easy to pick out the freakish stories of a member of a generational political elite family, but WHY do Americans completely ignore many of the blatant facts of BIG Pharma/Agri Corp/Medical Industrial Complex corruption and profiteering???
In the US, the FDA is responsible for making sure that the drugs and they approve are safe and effective. Yet there were more than 14,000 drug recalls in the last 10 years, according to FDA statistics. That averages out to nearly four drug recalls a day!
Ignore your idols to only place blame on others. You’re disingenuous and an embarrassment chad/jack/doug.
“But once again, Americans on both sides will ignore common sense in favor of political bias.”
Thanks for confirming my statement Chuck/Ted/Bill.
I dont have any idols. Trump and Obama should be sharing a prison cell together for their war crimes, next to all the others. RFK Jr. is a nutcase, but that doesnt mean wrong about the literal poisons in our food and pharmaceuticals that all other countries avoid like the plague. You continue to throw out insults and NEVER actually discuss an issue, SOP for many when a debate is lost.
Do you think winning imaginary debate points is why people post here? This is no debate chad/jack/doug. It’s embarrassing that a grown adult needs affirmation from the comments section of an online newspaper. If you feel the need for validation, find it somewhere that doesn’t require a keyboard.
Or, will you create more fake accounts so that you can agree with yourself?
“….we treat ‘em at home with sheep dip elixir, gutpile poultices or whiskey.”
Send this to RFK Jr!
One of the best Scottish single malt whiskeys is named Sheep Dip, from the times when distillers hid non tax paid whiskey in barrels labeled “sheep dip.” I’ve never seen it for sale in the US. Shame.
The only way this makes sense is that if we take it as satire on MAGA’s most deeply held delusions.
Yep!
Your last statement… “The worlds most dangerous superstition today isn’t religious zealotry, its the idea that Govt. is the omnipotent all knowing power that has ultimate authority over humanity, no questions asked.” Substitute the word “Trump” for “Govt.” and I might agree with you.
You apparently fall into the comment immediately preceding the one you quoted. If you only see one side as the problem, you are part of it.
Rod Miller, you are hereby awarded the Jackalope Peace Prize. This is hilarious, and it made my day.
If there was dog fighting and poppies it would be called Afghanistan.
With a populace of respectful human beings that use the Golden Rule and Non aggression principle as a foundation….
It beats the heck out of the joke of a system we live under today where both parties chip away at individual liberty on an alternating basis always getting 50% of the masses to support the tyranny.
The worlds most dangerous superstition today isn’t religious zealotry, its the idea that Govt. is the omnipotent all knowing power that has ultimate authority over humanity, no questions asked.
Obey!
Where do you find this respectful populace of human beings that use the golden rule and non aggression principle as a foundation?
How can Rod Miller be so hilarious (“Ivermectin mines”) and so frighteningly horrifying at the same time? I am forwarding this column to my friends and family!
Rod has a gift…and a very fertile imagination to go along with it.