Chicken-Ducking Topics

Alert readers have failed to note or comment that The Sage Grouse has not (perhaps for good reason) weighed in on the following controversial topics:

WOLVES:
Why do “whack” and “wolves” start with the same letter?

CATS:
Cats. Wild cat species are efficient predators: catch or die. Domesticated cats retain the same instincts, not entirely unlike teenage gangstas in urban cities. Owners of cats love their pets. Guests of such owners have mixed feelings. Domestic and feral cats kill wild birds. Hosts of internet chats regarding birds have banned discussions of cats from their sites; tempers get too heated.

GRIZZLY BEARS:
I have hunted in places frequented by lots of grizzly bears. I used to backpack in places like the DuNoir, but not any more. I get pretty nervous about camping in soft tents in grizzly habitats. Grizzlies have taken away some of my favorite places. Is that an acceptable price for keeping this species viable? I wouldn’t be offended if Wyoming had a limited-quota grizzly hunting season, although I would not be among the hunters.

GAY MARRIAGE:
Why would “gay” people, presumably bubbling with happiness, want anything to do with a hobbling, chained-down institution called “marriage?”

Why would anyone who is not gay care if those who call themselves gay want to sign marriage certificates and make heartfelt commitments to each other? If this happens, say, three times a day in Casper and three times a year in Lusk, does this mean the churches will crumble and the courthouses will be immolated?

[Note to editor: is “immolate” a transitive verb, an insensitive verb, or an insult to Buddhist monks?]

FOOTNOTE:
Jalan Crossland sings a catchy tune about chicken truckers, which sounds a lot like Chicken-Duckers. We will stop there; this is a family-friendly news source.