A Conversation With Rod Blagojevich: Big Hair

Politics generate subjects a lot more fun than almost anything else. After a boring hiatus, politics is heating up again. A recent morning:

The Sage Grouse rolls cursing out of bed, knocking over the alarm clock and a dog, muttering about the telephone’s insistent summons. Just hold on, he mutters, between oaths, I am coming.

Hello? Who is this? Did you get me out of bed for another fake political push poll?

What? Rod Blagojevich? Really? Why would you be calling so early? Aren’t you supposed to be in a federal penitentiary, along with the last several Illinois governors and Chicago mayors and a couple of Congressmen?

Oh. Isn’t the justice system wonderful.

You are organizing a 50-state campaign organization for who?

Donald Trump? Are you kidding? I guess you needed a day job.

But he says he’s a Republican, although he rivals chameleons for the speed with which he changes colors. Pro-choice, pro-life.  Red light, green light. He kind of resembles a bright shiny object. Except not so bright.

Anyway, Rod, dude, buddy, what can The Sage Grouse do for you?

Be The Donald’s Wyoming Campaign Coordinator? R U Sirius?

Probably more Sirius than serious.

Does this mean I’m a celebrity, soon to be a celebrity apprentice?

Oh.

Probably not.

Say, Rod, I’ve noticed the Big Hair. You, The Rod, and your candidate, The Donald, got the Big Hair thing, like, down. Me, not so much. I’m close to bald. Is that a problem?

Oh. It is. Then, can I help you find someone in Wyoming with Big Hair? Or even some hair?

Hmm. Gov Mead is getting on towards bald. The Dave still sports a 70s style shock, unchanged since 1975, but good luck calling him. I don’t see Leslie Petersen or Jane Sullivan jumping into the gap. Michele Bachmann — she’s got hair. But not much else. Sorry, mind wandered a bit. Wrong state.

Wait, wait! Taylor Haynes! He’s got hair! Not Big Hair, but plenty of hair. Smart, charming, confident,  a bit quirky, successful in business. The perfect guy to be The Donald’s campaign manager in Wyoming.

Rod, I know it doesn’t matter, but I have to tell you, Taylor is about the same color as Alan Keyes and Jesse Jackson.

What? You have to ask? You have to ask? The Donald wants to know: Does he have a birth certificate?