Al Gushes Forth

Al Simpson:  Facts and Fantasies

What does a commentator do with a guy who describes the Social Security system as “a cow with 310 million tits”?

One point of view is that he needs to have his mouth washed out with soap, except he is already 79 years old, so what’s the point?

Another view: he’s sexist and age-ist.  Wait, he already is 79 years old, so he can’t be prejudiced against old farts.  He IS an old fart.

He’s probably too old to be taken seriously as a sexist.

Another point of view: he is grumpy, short-fused and lacks self-restraint.  Kind of like a badger, a point made in an earlier Sage Grouse column.

It’s fun to poke at this colorful character.  But, he is a veteran, and he does draw a Congressional pension, so he is way better off than the rest of us looking forward to that Social Security faucet.

Remember, Social Security was in trouble before the recession idled millions of people who paid in, while the beneficiaries keep drawing out that which they earned.

Criticizing the Social Security system as servicing hundreds of millions of workers who paid in?  If the point is that it is unfunded, make that criticism.  If the point is that people who expect to draw out are greedy or unjustly expectant, Senator, you have that wrong.

Here is an idea:  slap a $5.00 per barrel tariff on all imported oil, put the money into the Social Security trust fund AND prohibit Congress from borrowing from the fund.  Require that the oil-tariff fund be invested in small banks, not in too-big-to-fail banks, in increments of $200,000 per bank, all across the country.

As you drift off to sleep, Al, would you rather count millions of tits or millions of Arab oil wells funding Social Security?  Al, pay attention:  Cow tits.