Hulk Hogan died mere hours after Ozzy Osborne’s demise, and conspiracy theorists are having a field day. 4Chan is all a-twitter about the CIA taking them out because they knew too much about the Epstein files. 8Chan is chock full of deepfake memes of Hulk and Ozzie on the grassy knoll with JFK Jr. and J. Edgar Hoover. I got booted from 12Chan for “inappropriate speech” a couple years ago, so I have no idea what those imbeciles are talking about today.
Opinion
Conspiracy theories are metastasizing through our body politic here in our latter days. They seem to be poised to supplant baseball as our national pastime. And that’s totally understandable. Subscribing to a conspiracy theory requires far less intellectual rigor than understanding the elegance of the game of baseball. Case in point is the theory that the designated hitter rule is a commie conspiracy against American League pitchers.
Conspiracy theories are the junk drawer of the intellect, the demolition derby in the life of the mind. They attract folks who, in high school, sat in the back of history class and ate crayons.
It’s easy to see the allure of conspiracy theories. When presented with a set of facts that don’t immediately align with a set of preconceptions, a lazy mind will grasp at anything that ties things together with a neat little bow. Instead of applying logic and reason, the conspiracy theorist will blame the conundrum on the evil machinations of deep-state puppet masters from Area 51.
And, voila, the Gordian knot is neatly tied!
Historically, when trying to explain the unexplainable, humans have resorted to science or religion. For instance, we have always wondered what happens to us when we die. Religion taught us to believe that our afterlife would be spent in either Heaven or Hell. This used to be an article of faith.
Reliance on conspiracy theories has turned millennia of religious belief on its head. Now, through conspiracy theories spread through social media, we are told that there is no Heaven or Hell, there is only Washington D.C. When you think about it logically, it requires a greater leap of faith to accept a conspiracy theory as gospel than it does to believe in the mystery of an afterlife.
If science and religion are intellectual and spiritual disciplines meant to make sense of a confusing world for all of us, conspiracy theories are the calculus of booger-eaters, seductively appealing to the least common denominator among the tribe.
Conspiracy theories are the modern-day QAnon Ghost Dance, meant to banish trouble from our midst and bring back the buffalo.
Politicians who have learned to be adroit in their manipulation of conspiracy theories to inflame the masses are existential threats to our civic order. We should know better. When a politician tells us to switch off our bullshit detectors, put on our tinfoil Stetsons and believe their fantasies, red flags are popping up all over the place and we should pay attention.
For my money, the ills of modern American society arose because we citizens didn’t think things all the way through, and instead we took attractive intellectual shortcuts. We got lazy.
Demagogues saw our laziness and took advantage of it with conspiracy theories. They placed bright, shiny objects along the trail to distract us from our true mission as citizens. Pizzagate. Stolen elections. The moon landing was faked. January 6 was a peaceful demonstration. Elvis lives and is in charge of the Illuminati. And the list goes on.
We have stopped contemplating the world around us by employing our God-given rationality, and instead, we stare at the sky, wondering if “chemtrails” are giving us COVID and cancer. We embrace clues revealed in the chicken entrails of goofball conspiracy theories.
I think our job now is to regain the use of our noggins and to recognize conspiracy theories as having zero value beyond the comedic. If we have allowed our minds to atrophy to the point that conspiracy theories make sense, we can also reinvigorate our gray matter to call out bullshit when we see it.
But we’ll have to get up from the couch, switch off the idiot box and start thinking for ourselves again. We’ll have to overcome our comfortable mental inertia and start working out in the real world once more. Powerful demagogues will fight us every step of the way. Their very existence depends on our intellectual complacency.
It’s hard work, thinking for yourself, but nobody can do it for you.
The Government lying to people is a VERY well established fact. And those lies have led to the deaths of millions over the years, when those lies promoted wars.
“Remember the Maine”
Lusitania’s hold full of munitions
“Day of Deceit” written by Robert Stinnet
JFK Assassination
Gulf of Tonkin Incident
April Glaspie memo
WTC 7
Weapons of Mass Destruction
and quite a few more are all “conspiracy facts”, not theories.
Blindly believing a government that has lied time and again, is fully Ignoring history all together, and those that are rightfully skeptical of said government arent crayon eating dropouts.
Very well done and should be thought-provoking to those who take the time to read it. I know more people than I care to who are too busy breathing in the chem trails and looking for the edge of the earth to walk off.
The craziest conspiracy theory that I ever heard was that one where 77,302,580 Americans could be so easily convinced that it would be a great idea to give the nation’s nuclear launch codes to the convicted felon. While another 265 million or so of us collectively decided that it was in the Republic’s best interest to binge watch SpongeBob reruns on YouTube and eat fistfulls of Doritos on election night instead of coloring in any other blank oval on the ballot…Boy, that one was a real whopper…
Is it telling (or not) that the usual qanon, election rigging, jewish space laser believing folks haven’t left their usual stain (comment) on this article?
“The internet has been the greatest invention of mankind. Social media has been the worst” – myself and countless others
Eating crayons and boogers. My favorite was alway Elmer’s glue… I’m kidding.
Well done once again Mr. Miller for expressing exactly what a lot of us are thinking during these trying times for our state and country. Keep writing and we’ll keep reading! Nice work.
Nostradamus as a seer probably contributed to a number of conspiracies. Conspiracies ranging from NWO, Eugene McCarthy’s the only good Red is one that’s dead, conspiracies theories involving the Rockefellers, Rothschilds, Morgans and others in the industrial and banking fields have been raising B P’s and anxiety levels since the beginning of recorded time, and the new version of Mein Kempf will keep local eating and beverage dispensaries a live with conversation that will steer this vessel to the extremes left and right,forgetting to keep the ark steady as she goes. Then we should rethink the other commie theory of Abbott & Costello’s Who’s On First.
They’ve been around forever. It’s sad that even “educated” people who should know better can drown in these bizarre, unfounded tropes. Colleges used to teach “critical thinking skills”–essential to being able to discern science based fact from sheer lunacy.
“Pizzagate” was mentioned in this article. Recall a man was so persuaded by online messaging platforms that Hillary Clinton was drinking the blood of children in the basement of Comet Pizza he drove several hundred miles with an assault rifle to “save those kids.” “Cognitive dissonance” applied when he was unable to find a basement in a facility built on a street level concrete pad. Uggggh.
Mr. Miller has the right idea! We have forgotten how to think for ourselves. Television, social media, hearsay have become our “thinking-aids,” the braces that hold our thoughts together.
An open letter to Gen X, Millenials and Gen Z from an aging Boomer.
We fought for Roe Vs Wade, the Voting Rights Act, Equal Rights, Civil Rights, the Environment (Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, the creation of the EPA), Veteran’s Rights, ADA, separation of church and state, learning the REAL history of our country, among so many others. We used letters, protests, putting our bodies on the line, and what money we could afford. All while working full time.
We are devastated by what we are seeing happening to our country – but at this point – money and EMAILing may be it for us. Please, Please, Please – it is up to YOU now.
Rod,
While I agree with the premise that conspiracy theories are a problem, they are not the biggest issue in the wrong turn our country is taking.
I believe the biggest problem we face is complacency and laziness. We lack a sense of urgency in solving what ails us.
Most polls tell us that trump’s favorability rating runs between 39 and 45 percent. Most of those folks don’t really believe the conspiracy theories, they actually like his horrendous policies.
On the other hand if the polls are correct 55 to 61 percent of Americans don’t like him or maga. If everyone of them started vociferously voicing their disapproval and joined in to actively defeat maga candidates in the coming elections we would actually change the course we are on. The sad reality is that most of these folks just sit on their hands and do nothing. “Let someone else do it” they say. Until we have a groundswell of resistance and a real awakening of the serious jeopardy we are in the conspiracy theorists will be in charge.
Dave Gustason
And yet there’s this- didn’t Trump just confess that he 86’d Epstein because he poached an 18 year that Trump had an interest in? Inquiring minds want to know.
(Hey this stuff is fun)
You nailed it Rod. Our biggest obstacles to truth are movements like MAGA and WFC that somehow win elections with votes from those who do not think for themselves. Historically, the inexplicable phenomenon has surfaced time and again in the form of political adoration for a faux strongman, whose only talent is his ability to lie every time his lips move. In this context, the conspiracy theories evolve from the “catch 22 analysis” of trying to understand why in hell they believe him.
Please keep up your great editorials. God gave us a brain and a heart with the expectation to use them and not be blind followers of whatever bs theory of the day
Good work Rod, and Lynette. And whoever else previous – said that laziness and failure to think for ourselves is what’s hurting us. Instead of thinking things through, just pick up a phone and ask? No thanks.
Reading this opinion piece was a great start to the day. Thanks Rod! Well done, an accurate description of many Americans. Trouble is, the booger eaters are incapable of introspection. When they hear truth it goes in one ear, picks up velocity as it passes through the vacuum and goes out the other ear.
Roger, I assume you still support the US war in Iraq over weapons of mass destruction. The government told us the truth, Right?
Amen! There are so many things going amiss in our body politic that need our attention. If are are not diligent, we will quickly loose our precious country to these theories.
I am a German/American and a birthright American citizen. My parents immigrated to the US from Germany in 1956. I was brought up knowing what happens when citizens focus on conspiracy theories and don’t see what’s happening right in front of their noses. They loose their democracy and end up in an autocratic country quicker than one can imagine.
Keep reminding us that we have highly developed brains capable of rational, complex thought.