Grizzlies In My Back Yard

Some buddies and I bought an unused schoolhouse in Lakeview, Montana. WARNING TO READERS: do not attempt to go there. Mosquitoes from April to October, snowdrifts from October to April.

We bought a book detailing the history of the Centennial Valley from homesteading days; there were a lot of murders in this harsh, remote wilderness. It’s a tough place. WARNING TO TOURISTS: don’t go there.

Now one of my co-owners, rejoicing in grizzly recovery, has located some maps showing where the wandering grizzly bears are visiting. WARNING TO CHILDREN AND PETS:  don’t go there.

Guess what: One of the dots on the map is exactly where our outhouse sits. This startling fact stimulated me to send him an email about what bears do in the woods, reminding me of a friend who mixes the metaphor of what bears do in the woods and what religious discipline is observed by the Pope.

Our outhouse is unique; it has a great view. If you leave open the door, you can see several mountain ranges and often a nice fat full moon; it is a wonderful place to relax with a glass of quality whiskey and a good cigar.

Now that I see that the grizzlies are sharing the outhouse, I’ll have to pack a big flashlight and a large firearm out to the venue. Or not.

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