I grew up in the 1990s. It wasn’t perfect — there were a lot of cultural trends we’d probably all like to forget — but one thing my generation tried to get right was this: We pushed to bridge divides. We weren’t perfect at it, but we tried. We believed in finding common ground, in listening, in treating people like people — even when they were different. Even when we disagreed.
Opinion
We talked a lot about the Golden Rule. Not just in theory, but in practice. We tried to live it. That meant kindness, respect and decency — especially when someone’s choices didn’t directly affect us. We understood, at least more than we do now, that being different wasn’t a threat. And that empathy isn’t weakness — it’s a survival trait for a functioning society.
My dad used to tell me, “Do things in moderation — that’s where the least amount of pain lives, and the truth lurks.” It stuck with me. And it matters more now than ever. We’ve lost sight of moderation — not just politically, but emotionally, socially, spiritually. Everything has to be extreme. Everything has to be absolute. But the middle is where we breathe. Where we listen. Where we build.
And there’s something else I’ve never forgotten — from my junior year of high school in my American history class. Our teacher told us that in America, we are a nation governed by the majority, with respect to the minority. That line hit me then, and it stays with me now. It’s a simple truth, but we seem to have lost it. We’ve forgotten that democracy is not about domination — it’s about balance. About listening to those who are different. About recognizing that power isn’t just something to wield, but something to hold with care.
But today? Everything feels like a fight. Everything is red or blue. It’s “us versus them” — even when “them” is our neighbor, our coworker, our cousin. The lines have been drawn so deeply that we’ve stopped seeing each other as people and started treating each other as enemies. I don’t want to win a culture war. I want to live in a country that remembers we’re in this together.
What we’re missing — maybe more than ever — is common experience. That shared cultural rhythm. We don’t have Thursday night TV anymore, or big events we all watch together. Sure, we have the internet — this endless, sprawling web of possibility — but most of us spend our time inside tightly curated bubbles. We only see what reinforces what we already believe. We don’t talk with each other; we talk past each other. And our feeds become our facts.
But real life doesn’t work that way. Real life is messy and complicated. It requires us to be uncomfortable, to be challenged, to grow — not just as individuals, but as citizens. People are social creatures. We need each other. We survive by working together. When we wall ourselves off and replace shared experience with algorithm-fed certainty, we lose perspective. And then we lose empathy. And then we lose everything.
We are lonelier. Sadder. More ignorant of one another. We’re copying and pasting outrage instead of living full, connected lives.
And maybe most dangerously, we’ve made “winning” the goal. But when the only goal is to win — at all costs — then the end will always be to fall apart.
Grunge music got this in a way. Behind all the distortion and rawness, there was a deep truth: The world is hard, people are flawed, and it’s OK to not be OK. Soundgarden sang, “In my eyes, indisposed, in disguises no one knows…” We’re all walking around in masks these days, pretending to be certain when we’re scared and confused. Nirvana told us, “I miss the comfort in being sad.” We used to feel things. Now we just react.
I’m not here to pick a side. I’m not interested in Republican talking points or Democratic soundbites. I’m here to say that it’s time to stop the madness — and start showing up differently. Start listening. Start speaking with, not at, each other. Being a citizen is not a partisan act. It’s a daily choice to engage, to care and to act in the interest of all of us, not just the people who agree with us. If we want something better, we have to build it together — conversation by conversation, compromise by compromise, moment by moment.
The work of democracy isn’t about throwing the biggest bombs, causing the most damage or winning the most arguments. It’s staying, and being fully present at the table, especially when things get hard. It’s about having the conversations, reaching the compromises and doing the slow, steady work of holding a country or community together.
For years I resented Gilette. I was a teacher in Teton County when our district was at the bottom of the financial totem pole (we had the Tetons so there!). It’s hard to eat scenery. Gillette had the oil income-high teacher salaries and magnificent buses for travel. Now that is changing. Oil and coal are no longer king! However, Wyoming still has its open spaces, its pioneer spirit, and its good people. Think positively, look for the sunshine, and network with each other for success. Build on strengths. Take off the blinders. I have faith in the Wyoming spirit!
An inspirational piece Christy which I strongly believe is the only way to live through this mess we are sharing.at the moment. Thank you.
Amen
Christy:
I’m not a resident of Wyoming I live a little north and I think I’m probably several decades older than you. Your article and mindset is long overdue.
I can remember when Democrats and Republicans could both realize there was an issue that needed to be fixed. The two sides could sit down at the table and hammer out something that would at least appear to solve the problem. It was never perfect by either side’s view, but it worked. The party that had the majority Democrat or Republican always got a little larger piece of the pie. Those days have long passed. You are exactly correct; it’s my way or the highway no middle ground.
At one time if you wanted to discuss a difference you had to do it face to face, across the table, on the phone or at a meeting. Of course there are other ways. Don’t get me wrong, I use social media tool point. I text occasionally if I have to. The majority of the news is now on the Internet. I was taught, and in my past profession used trust but verify. And I use that a lot on anything I read whether hard copy or Internet provided. But I think in this fast moving society and so-called news outlets where opinions get expressed as factual too many viewers loose.
An administration in the mid-80s removed a requirement for any media referring to themselves as a news information provider needed to separate fact from opinion. In doing so it created the monsters we live with now.
Hopefully you’re correct, maybe there are still enough people that believe there is a middle ground and our Democratic Republic can survive.
Very well said!
Well said, I hope a lot of people read you’re column, you said it perfectly, thank you
A great commentary. But it won’t happen until there is equal justice, equal healthcare and true representation from the people-not driven by the oligarchs. A corrupt president and a corrupt Supreme Court will not bring people together. If, and I mean if, we could get Wyoming voters to actually vote, I think we would move closer to the middle.
Christy, have you ever considered running for Office? I’d vote for you in a heartbeat.
I fully agree with you. Party lines divide us! We should first be citizens and patriots supporting this country of ours. We have much to be thankful for but we can allake it better
These are precious words, Christy Mathes.
For some time, I have been feeling embarrassed to be an American citizen, especially since it is no longer the “united” states.
Your words inspire me to stand up straight and rekindle my pride in being American.
My own children grew up in the 90s, too. I’m proud that they are sharing important values and morals with their own children, and in their own chosen professions. I wait not-so-very-patiently for the children of the 90s to have time in their lives to lead this country.
Thank you for your post.
A lot of wisdom in this column. Common courtesy goes a long way in facilitating understanding. Logic not emotion is the key to civic discourse.
Definitely words to live by, Christy.. and to run a country by. Thank you for sharing this!
I agree with some of the other commenters – this should be required reading by all.
Thanks so much for an excellent opinion piece Christy. Well done! More people in Wyoming need to believe like you do. You’re entirely correct in saying this madness needs to stop.
If you ever think about running for one of our senate or congressional seats, no matter which party you affiliate with, you’ve got my vote.
Well said.
Very well said. We are all guilty of disconnect and divisiveness on some level, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. Unfortunately, those most in need of this messaging will either not read it, or will not see themselves in it. Still, if enough of us ensure this kind of messaging is out there, perhaps it will help shift the conversation.
If nine people sit down to have dinner with a Nazi, you have ten Nazis.
I am 100% about common ground and building healthy relationships with friends and neighbors, centered on a foundation of understanding we are all flawed human beings. But if a splinter group heads down a certain path of bigotry and destruction, I cannot follow. Ever. That’s not partisanship, it’s integrity.
Loved Soundgarden. I remember where I was when I heard Chris Cornell had followed Curt Cobain, Scott Weiland, Andrew Wood, Layne Staley, and Shannon Hoon to the grave. Grunge was hard on the soul. A talented group of young men lost far too soon.
A Blue Dot in a Red Sea
I recently asked my county clerk how many democrats were registered in rural precinct. At that particular time there was one, myself. I was surprised, knowing my wife’s sentiments, that she was registered as an independent. As a Wyoming born native being born in Cheyenne late on day in June 1956 at St Mary’s Hospital I have always known that Wyoming has leaned to the right but not take until recently taken the leap off the edge to the extreme. My father, while not the owner of a popular restaurant in Cheyenne was the manager for over thirty years at the establishment and was well known. My mother, worked for many years as a secretary. in the Wyoming Capitol building under various State Secretary of Education from both parties. I have always been political to a degree as my Grand Mothers,one a Democrat and the other a Republican worked together as poll workers during elections and lived for years in the same apartment building on 17th street. My mother’s brother was married to one of my father’s twin sisters. Politics was not a topic discussed to great lengths at family gathering but always with respect to different views and it was always agreed that both parties need to do better and to continue to remain moderate. I meet and knew many politicians from both parties and many office holders sons and daughters attended from grade school through college the same schools and I considered friends.So what happened? We now have discourse throughout the State and the Nation in general. It appears and by the actions of the recent legislation session Wyoming is in a identity crises and many are unhappy with some of the attempts to turn Wyoming even further to the right while at the same time forgetting our Representatives seem more intent in fixing problems that are manufactured then fixing real problems that need immediate addressing. The moderate right is fighting extreme right and drew a draw this last session. Democrats in the meantime seem to be regulated to active observers but have contributed as much as they can to trying to to fix problems, not create more but even they can do better. Now with a President that wants to be Dictator or King, ruffles the feathers of our decade old allies and talks of being friends with the murderous leaders of longtime enemies I find this very troublesome. I looking forward to the day we will return to the normalcy of slow boring political discourse without all the extremes and constant grandstanding that is taking place today. That’s the Wyoming I grew ups in and remember!
Thank you. I wish this could be required reading for everyone in Congress. Although I grew up a little before the nineties, I had to smile about your “moderation” quote. My Dad always said “moderation in all things”. Words to live by.
Again, words of wisdom, reason, and worth! AND by an Educator! We’ve been led to believe our Wyoming educators are teaching ‘partisan lessons, ‘woke’ platitudes, fascist doctrine, anti govt progrander! HA! this certainly doesnt sound or is any of the above! But, there will be those reading her article who would indeed call it just THAT. And this is what makes my heart hurt.
Thank you Christy for bringing a smile to my ❤️
Fantastic op-ed Christie!
I whole heartedly agree!
Thank you!
Gretchen Mack
Dubois, WY
Go Christy Mathes go! It’s always good to read something that makes sense.
Admirably catholic, Ms. Mathes, but the Trump regime is doing anything but “holding a country or community together.” It is completely uninterested in compromise or anything Democratic.
All the more reason to point out that there is another path, another option for caring, engaged CITIZENS. That’s where we all have choices: how to react, how to behave in our own private lives, and our lives within the community. Thanks for this op-ed, Christy. I’m a lot older than you and it’s refreshing to hear your youthful voice speaking up.
Thanks, Christy. Now more than ever we can’t afford to shut down and block out.
Great article, I hope more people read it and take it to heart