My Techno Fantasy

This, from a guy who keeps forgetting how to access the phonebook on his cell phone:

We can buy sound recorders, video cameras, point-and-shoot cameras, SLR cameras, GPS and navigation gadgets, cell phones with multiple apps, radar detectors, pre-programmed GPS devices with known speed camera locations embedded, CB radios, Bluetooth-enabled phones,  satellite phones, lie detectors, portable breath alcohol testers, keyring mace sprayers, iPods and other MP3 players.  Adds up to a big purse full of steal-able items.

Did you know you can buy a Taser disguised as a cell phone?

I am waiting for the “Apps for Dummies” book, preferably on a DVD.

What I really want: concert-quality sound recording, 20 megapixel camera with movie recording, GPS, concert quality headphones, 4G cell phone coverage, satellite backup phone coverage, Pandora, song recognition, speed camera avoidance, cop radar detection, encrypted health care data readout, remote lie detection (or for Sarah Palin, vapidity detection, wait, that’s automatic, constant, a given), high blood pressure alarm, sports clock features, altimeter, weather predictor, burglar alarm, mace sprayer, instant lullaby generator, obscene corporate bonus detector,  all in one handheld machine.